Patchwork Quilt

Patchwork Quilt

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14

My Pastor has had us repeating this phrase on and off for a few months now. At first it was a little silly but still fun. The first day we said it, our pastor explained why were are fearfully and wonderfully made, I believed it.

I was in a good mood, the day had been average, and I didn’t feel like a complete failure. I also didn’t ponder it too hard.

Today when he told us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, I didn’t feel it. I was thinking “yes, I may have been made that way, but boy have I screwed it up since.”

That thought is self-destructive, I know it is. I get in these ruts where, I feel like all I’m doing is asking forgiveness rather than spreading joy. When I’m in that place I feel like I mess up what God had intended.

My kids are great, but they’re a handful (yes all kids can be I know). They all go through different phases and lately the phases seem to be ganging up on me. I want to scream “I need an adult!”

My husband, the only one I have regular long conversations with is working nights and hasn’t had a day off in a while. So my need for conversations has no place to go. Yes I talk to my kids but it is different.

I know I should call a friend but I always feel like it would be the wrong time. I might put them out if I call them “just to talk.” It seems like there’s never a good reason for me to pick up the phone.

So add the frustration of not being able to talk about everyday life to an adult, plus my kids running around like wild banshees while their Dad is sleeping, and you get – yup you guessed it – a yelling Mom.

So I screamed at them. I asked them four times to help me pick up. They chose not to. Then they started playing ball in the living room instead of cleaning and I lost it. After I yelled at them it only took ten minutes for them to finish.

After they finished, one of them accidentally knocked rice over in the pantry. At this point there was no wonderfully made left in me. So I started cleaning it by myself. I told them to go out and play to get some of their energy out while Kathy and Nico were still napping. I needed a breather as much as they did.

The pantry needed to be cleaned anyway. Nothing like mindless cleaning to get you thinking about all the should-of’s in your life. I started thinking about how I’m making myself into a patchwork quilt. God made me fearfully and wonderfully and I keep messing it up. Then I ask for forgiveness and he puts a new square on to restore me from sin. I’m not the same as before but I’m restored.

I love patchwork quilts. My Grandma makes the most beautiful designed quilts. It’s amazed me from when I was little girl of all her talents. As I was cleaning the pantry, I got to thinking about, why I picture myself as a plain ragged square quilt. When I should imagine one of those beautiful and wonderful ones my Grandmother made(like the picture above).

I guess I still need to work on believing that I’m wonderfully made.

Mommy Judgement

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:1-2

Judging -the message seems clear, how you judge others, is the way you will be judged.

As parents I think we get trapped in judgment not even thinking about it.

There are plenty of times I feel judged as a mom. Why is that? Because my kid just drooled all over your kid and I see the disgust in your eyes, (it’s gross I don’t blame you) but my child doesn’t understand how to swallow. I feel the judgment, condemning my ability to mother as you clean your child off…..

I definitely have enough judgment for myself.

On the flip side, there are different kinds of judgment we can fall into.

Most of us could be guilty of the judgmental “nod” – you know the nod – when friends are talking about another friend, saying “I can’t believe little Suzie still has a binky. I took the binky away from my kids by two.”

At that moment do I stand up and say “Well maybe little Suzie has oral motor problems. She may need to still have a binky!” No, I do not. I give the agreeing “nod” which is just as bad as a judgment.

Another judgmental trap we fall in, is when we feel strongly about a topic.

When people are talking about a topic that you are passionate about, do you pipe in with all your enthusiasm? “Nursing should be mandatory for all newborns!” Well maybe God made you passionate about it because it is the right thing for your child, but not for everyone’s.

All of these things are forms of judgment. As parents we need to believe what we are doing is right. I think the hard part is stopping with our children and not imposing judgment on others.

When I became a mom to my middle three, people came out of the woodwork to give me advice about what I should and shouldn’t do with my children.  Some of the advice was conflicting. Which left me to go on a journey of what was right for me and my family. Don’t get me wrong, giving advice is great. Just don’t get upset when it doesn’t work for the parents next door.

No one’s kids are perfect – yes shocker! No parents are perfect either- double shocker. Did I just lose you all?

God made each and every one of our families on purpose. And this verse in Matthew 7 especially applies to us.

Remember – Just because you were able to potty train little Johnny, by letting him run around naked doesn’t mean that’s wanted or will work in every household.

~In love

Stay at home Veteran, I mean Mom, I mean Veteran

“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.” Psalm 57:2

I AM A Stay-At-Home-Mom. Any idea how long it took me to get comfortable to that phrase? Longer than I’d like to admit. I’m sure my husband would tell you but we’re not going to ask him.

See, once upon a time, I had a “real person” job. I was in the military. I had more than a few tours overseas. I am a Veteran. I am a disabled Veteran. And even though that is no longer my identity, that title use to make me feel like I’d made a difference. Saying I drove convoys through Iraq seems to raise more eyebrows than, I changed 52 dirty diapers today. Strange I know.

It took my mind a long time to realize that I can be a proud stay-at-home-mom and a veteran. That both of these titles are equally important and vital to our nation. I use to be ashamed of having my career ended early because I got hurt. Now I realize it was all in Gods great plan.

I wrapped up so much of my importance in deploying that I couldn’t see the bigger picture. First off, that my identity is only that I am a daughter of the One True King. Secondly, that staying home to start a family was no greater or less important. It’s just different.

I consider myself blessed, that I got to serve this great country of ours, with some of the bravest men and women. I also consider myself blessed, that I get to raise five wonderful children, in a different kind of trenches. I am so grateful that I got/get to do both.

Happy Veterans Day!

XO~ Jenny -a stay at home Mom and Veteran