My Anxiousness

My anxious heart

If something is a blessing how can it cause anxiousness?

My house got damaged by ice damns during the winter months. At first I thought one of my kids left the upstairs shower on and it was overflowing. Then I realized it was coming from the roof! Wonderful. So the lovely winter took the center of my house out. We have had no inside walls for months now. I have not loved being without walls or ceilings in some places.

Thankfully none of the kid’s bedrooms got damaged. My husband and I however have been sleeping in the living room. The whole downstairs, staircase, and two bathrooms however are in disarray.

Now the reconstruction is starting and all I can feel is anxious.

Anxious about how to chorale the kids to not be under foot of the construction workers. Anxious about where we can go while they work on the bathrooms. There is a tightness in my chest that I keep praying about, yet seems to keep creeping up. The pit in my stomach about some of the costs that the insurance doesn’t quite cover. My mind will not rest.

This renovation is a great thing! I’m not trying to convince myself of this, it really is great. The reconstruction is awesome. The insurance company is taking care of most everything the water damaged. Our house will look better than it has in years. So why can’t I calm down?

I keep praying about it. I keep trying to take a deep breath and relax.

I can’t seem to get rid of all these butterflies in my stomach.

I can’t seem to find my calmness. I can’t take a deep breath! Yesterday in the car all I did was pray and try to breath to loosen my chest. With the stress of having my kids love to scream in the car added with the house constantly going through my head. Well let’s just say I’m praying a lot when I drive right now.

I need to make my body calm down but telling it to, has not worked so far.

I am like an impatient child right now. I feel my blood pressure rising with everything that seems to go wrong. Trying not to yell at the kids when they are being their regular crazy selves.

Am I really Whining about something so good? Whining about my house being in chaos when some people don’t even have a house? Whining about having to have everyone dressed by 7am so construction workers can come in and not see naked children fly through the halls. In my head I have no right. So why can’t I breathe? I know Gods got the details but I can’t breathe!

I’m reminded about the scripture verse Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,

With thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which

Transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 

Finding my peace is easier said than done.

Blessings.

5 Parts of Trust in Marriage

Trust in Marriage – Wrapping up my Trust series

Being married to my husband has been one of the best experiences in my life.

It’s truly amazing when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The person that you promise before God, all your friends, and all your family to stick with through thick and thin, sickness and health, good times and bad.

Have you ever noticed that wedding vows don’t just mention the good stuff? Vows purposefully mention the whole spectrum of life for a reason. The reason is this: No matter how much you love your spouse at the time you get married, this life can be really hard at times. You need to go into a marriage with the mindset that this person is your partner through ALL of it.

Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years.

1-Love. Above all else Love.

As the commandment goes “Love others as you would love yourself.”

Most of the time once you get comfortable in your marriage a level of niceness disappears.

You need to think about how you would want someone else to treat your spouse. If it’s nicer then how you are treating them, it’s time to bring the love back. The love that God wants in your marriage.

A huge part of trust in marriage comes from the love you show one another and how you show it to each other.

2-Partnership – Partnership does not just happen when you say “I DO”

The key to finding partnership is to talk with each other. When necessary, hash things out – respectfully.

You each need to bend to each other. Being married to someone doesn’t mean you agree on everything right away. Or that one of you just says it’s my way or the highway. It means you should talk it out and find a happy compromise.

To trust in a marriage you need to find a great complimentary partnership. Kinda like all those cop shows where they “have each other’s backs” you need to have that in a marriage.

3- Money – Finances comes into every marriage – like it or not – you need to talk about it. You cannot hide from money in this world.

I can’t stress enough how important having the conversation about money is, both before and during marriage. Every couple months if not more often you should both sit down with the bills and with your dreams. Find out what each other is thinking.

Whether you two want to buy a house or a refrigerator, you need to make a plan – together.

Retirement – Talk about it! Don’t assume your spouse knows what you’re thinking (about anything). Talk honestly and come up with a game plan both of you can agree on.

Finances are one of the biggest arguments that can come up between husband and wife.

DON’T LET IT!

Set up your priorities for both of you – in order. Write it down. Revisit the conversation regularly. If your plan doesn’t seem to be working rework it!

You two are in charge of how you spend your money. Talk about it so both of you can rest easy with a plan you can stick to.

For instance – My husband and I did a budget once that left out us going out together. Well we blew the budget the first week! The two of us going out to dinner is a priority because it’s how we connect without the little ones interrupting. We redid the plan to one we could both stick to.

Chat about finances, without arguing, without emotions, look at it as a brainstorming session you two get to be the bosses of.

If you don’t have a budget or know where to start I recommend DaveRamsey.com. He has sound advice and free tools that we used to get our finances on track.

4- The bedroom. Ok so not many people love to talk about this in public. Especially in Christian circles but it needs to be talked about.

The bedroom is a place you need to be able to trust one another. To have trust in intimacy you need to connect regularly.

I know it’s hard with little ones – trust me – I know but that is no excuse.

As married couples the frequency for all of us looks a little different. But if you want to build trust and enjoy what God has planned for your marriage it should be often (at least a few times a week).

Intimacy is the biggest difference between roommates and lifelong lovers.

Keep intimacy strong in your marriage.

A blog that I follow that helps with marriage encouragement is www.the-generous-wife.com

If you’re a guy her husband has a blog (that I don’t read but it’s geared for all the hubbies out there its called

www.the-generous-husband.com

5 – Husband first then kids. Ok Jesus first, then husband, then kid if you want to get technical.

By showing my kids that I support their father and he supports me it shows them how marriage is supposed to work. It helps them to know that they can’t play us against each other and it helps them to know that the world really doesn’t revolve around them no matter how much they want it to.

Calm your britches I’m not talking about neglecting my children – not for one second. I’m talking about showing my children that their Father is a priority.

I pray that this advice helps you.

Trust in Adoption

Trust in Adoption

This month I have been working through a series on trust and the various ways that it effects my life.

Today, I would like to talk about adoption. I know what your thinking – “What does trust have to do with adoption?” Trust is huge in the process of adoption. From trusting the agency you use to trusting the child/ren that come into your home. There are a lot of questions out there about adoption and I would love to answer them. Adoption is one of those things close to my heart (of course because I’ve adopted four of my children).

Trust comes more easily for some than others. It’s scary to think of the process to receive a child into your home, to prepare yourself for such a wonderful thing, and then to have no guarantee that you will receive a child.

The process is daunting when you first start researching adoption. The paperwork alone could wallpaper an entire house.

For my husband and I international adoption was too expensive. It seemed like a lost cause when I first started researching how much money it would take to bring a child home.

Then, through an internet search, I found our state’s Department of Children and Families (DCF).

I wasn’t really sure about that process either because I had heard of horror stories of children being taken back after years of being with a family. I decided to ask the hard questions myself. We went in very leery of the process because the thought of children coming in and out and not staying was heart breaking. Not to mention we didn’t want to do that to our oldest daughter (mine through marriage).

I’m not going to lie there is some risk when you go to adopt. How much risk you want to take is different for each family. Our state’s system assesses the risk level of each child as to whether they will most likely go back with their biological family (high risk) or if they need to start the process for adoption (low risk).

Even though we signed up for a low risk adoption, it was nerve racking. I found myself on my knees praying for all of the paperwork to go through. Daily I had to trust God and pray that if it was God’s will for my children to stay with us that it happens smoothly.

All children come from God and are God’s. We all belong to Him. However, it’s hard to think that way, when you’re waiting for your very own child to take care of.

In this situation it’s hard to trust in God, but you still have to.

If my husband and I did not trust that this was God’s path for us we might never have had our children. I can’t imagine life without them, nor do I want to. No matter how much I whine about Autism or the effects that neglect had on them, I still love them. God still entrusted them to us. I am forever grateful.

Pure and genuine religion

in the sight of God the Father

means caring for

Orphans and widows in their distress

and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27