My Anxiousness

My anxious heart

If something is a blessing how can it cause anxiousness?

My house got damaged by ice damns during the winter months. At first I thought one of my kids left the upstairs shower on and it was overflowing. Then I realized it was coming from the roof! Wonderful. So the lovely winter took the center of my house out. We have had no inside walls for months now. I have not loved being without walls or ceilings in some places.

Thankfully none of the kid’s bedrooms got damaged. My husband and I however have been sleeping in the living room. The whole downstairs, staircase, and two bathrooms however are in disarray.

Now the reconstruction is starting and all I can feel is anxious.

Anxious about how to chorale the kids to not be under foot of the construction workers. Anxious about where we can go while they work on the bathrooms. There is a tightness in my chest that I keep praying about, yet seems to keep creeping up. The pit in my stomach about some of the costs that the insurance doesn’t quite cover. My mind will not rest.

This renovation is a great thing! I’m not trying to convince myself of this, it really is great. The reconstruction is awesome. The insurance company is taking care of most everything the water damaged. Our house will look better than it has in years. So why can’t I calm down?

I keep praying about it. I keep trying to take a deep breath and relax.

I can’t seem to get rid of all these butterflies in my stomach.

I can’t seem to find my calmness. I can’t take a deep breath! Yesterday in the car all I did was pray and try to breath to loosen my chest. With the stress of having my kids love to scream in the car added with the house constantly going through my head. Well let’s just say I’m praying a lot when I drive right now.

I need to make my body calm down but telling it to, has not worked so far.

I am like an impatient child right now. I feel my blood pressure rising with everything that seems to go wrong. Trying not to yell at the kids when they are being their regular crazy selves.

Am I really Whining about something so good? Whining about my house being in chaos when some people don’t even have a house? Whining about having to have everyone dressed by 7am so construction workers can come in and not see naked children fly through the halls. In my head I have no right. So why can’t I breathe? I know Gods got the details but I can’t breathe!

I’m reminded about the scripture verse Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,

With thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which

Transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 

Finding my peace is easier said than done.

Blessings.