Trust in Adoption

Trust in Adoption

This month I have been working through a series on trust and the various ways that it effects my life.

Today, I would like to talk about adoption. I know what your thinking – “What does trust have to do with adoption?” Trust is huge in the process of adoption. From trusting the agency you use to trusting the child/ren that come into your home. There are a lot of questions out there about adoption and I would love to answer them. Adoption is one of those things close to my heart (of course because I’ve adopted four of my children).

Trust comes more easily for some than others. It’s scary to think of the process to receive a child into your home, to prepare yourself for such a wonderful thing, and then to have no guarantee that you will receive a child.

The process is daunting when you first start researching adoption. The paperwork alone could wallpaper an entire house.

For my husband and I international adoption was too expensive. It seemed like a lost cause when I first started researching how much money it would take to bring a child home.

Then, through an internet search, I found our state’s Department of Children and Families (DCF).

I wasn’t really sure about that process either because I had heard of horror stories of children being taken back after years of being with a family. I decided to ask the hard questions myself. We went in very leery of the process because the thought of children coming in and out and not staying was heart breaking. Not to mention we didn’t want to do that to our oldest daughter (mine through marriage).

I’m not going to lie there is some risk when you go to adopt. How much risk you want to take is different for each family. Our state’s system assesses the risk level of each child as to whether they will most likely go back with their biological family (high risk) or if they need to start the process for adoption (low risk).

Even though we signed up for a low risk adoption, it was nerve racking. I found myself on my knees praying for all of the paperwork to go through. Daily I had to trust God and pray that if it was God’s will for my children to stay with us that it happens smoothly.

All children come from God and are God’s. We all belong to Him. However, it’s hard to think that way, when you’re waiting for your very own child to take care of.

In this situation it’s hard to trust in God, but you still have to.

If my husband and I did not trust that this was God’s path for us we might never have had our children. I can’t imagine life without them, nor do I want to. No matter how much I whine about Autism or the effects that neglect had on them, I still love them. God still entrusted them to us. I am forever grateful.

Pure and genuine religion

in the sight of God the Father

means caring for

Orphans and widows in their distress

and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27

Take A Breath

“He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3

Moms need to be restored too.

As a mom I feel like I don’t deserve a break.

Especially as an adoptive mom. I went into motherhood with my eyes wide open. So does that mean that I should never have a breather? Does it mean I can’t slow down this treadmill of motherhood?

Well in some ways yes, I never take off the mom hat. That doesn’t mean I don’t need time for restoration and renewal.

I’ve touched on this before with a blog about taking time with Jesus. I am reminded that, as this winter seems to be never ending, time to restore is so much more than going to the bathroom by myself. Though that would be nice too.

When I read Psalm 23:3 I think about how sweet that sounds, to be “restored.” God restores us. We need to let Him. Meditating on His word, praying, worshiping, singing, and anything that makes your soul connect with Gods can renew you.

Sometimes when dealing with my very tiring children I feel drained. Almost as if I don’t have another ounce of energy to spare.  Though it’s funny, because before I had kids sometimes my job and school made me feel that same way. In reflecting on my life I think we tend to let the hustle and bustle dictate where our energy goes.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in this world. Letting the appointments on your calendar dictate where your energy goes. I beg you to take a breath. Stop for a moment. Know that you deserve a moment to sit still and meditate on God’s Word. He’s got lot of great things in His book, The Bible.

The Psalms in particular were a big favorite of mine when I was younger. Tons of good quotes to help you ring up your mood.

No matter where you are in your walk, if you’re a parent or not, meet God today. Let Him restore you this week. It will put any decision, problem, or screaming child in a better perspective.  With God’s help, your soul can be restored.

Do I have to?

Hospitality

Practicing hospitality with little ones looks a little different than it does on TV. In my house it looks a lot different.

Rewind several years ago I went from having a ten year old to having a ten year old, 2 ½ year old, fourteen month old, and 6 week old baby. Literally overnight. I don’t want to do that whole nine month thing that everyone else is into. Nope I jump right in! I have to find humor in it ok.

So in that time frame I had an influx of stuff. Imagine what one baby comes with then multiply it times three. I should preface all that by saying that one; our house is not big, especially for seven people in it. Second, cleaning has always been a challenge to me.

On top of the pressure of being a new mommy I had the extra pressure to get my house into shape. Two of my new children came with Birth to 3 services. I don’t know if that’s the same in every state but Birth to 3 is basically in home services for kids not meeting their milestones and need help in different areas. So not only did I have an influx of people coming to meet the little ones but I had our state DCF system to check on them and almost daily Birth to 3 service people.

Oh and did I mention that my husband had to leave two weeks after they came to us, for military training. Yeah, Good times. I say it sarcastically in my mind, but in the middle of that mess was beauty. I had three children that I had been praying for.

I had friends that kept telling me not to worry about the mess. And so often we are told the mess will be there when our kids are grown, we can clean then. Um well I say no. Yes I play with my kids and give them all the love in the world. Yet this home is where my kids will learn hospitality.

So often in the bible are we reminded to practice hospitality. It doesn’t say “Practice hospitality when your kids are grown and out of the house.” I looked, it really doesn’t. There are tons of other verses in the bible though about practicing hospitality toward one another.

So if I don’t teach my children how to clean up and I don’t keep a clean house, am I following Gods instruction? I say no. Now don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m not saying that people should be able to eat off your floors but it needs to be clean, picked up, Welcoming.

I have five kids and trust me, my house is lived in. Yet every day we pick up after every meal. Every night we do the floors (mostly because of the two dogs). My mud room falls apart a bit but during the snow season I try to give myself some grace with that.

We have an open door policy and still I have birth to three in my house every day for my littlest, being a MOPS leader I try to have women over. Over the years we have had life groups and dinner parties. Our house is not huge so during the winter months we need to get creative with space. Yet my husband and I feel that God blessed us with this house to practice hospitality and that’s what we do.

Hospitality does not come easy to me. I had to learn by fire so to speak. The one piece of advice I always remember about being hospitable is to make people to feel welcomed. If our house was a disaster and not clean do you think people would feel welcomed? Probably not, they might be afraid to sit.

If this whole post is just making you anxious – ask for help. I did. You’d be surprised how quickly a friendship can grow when they are helping you sort through your stuff. Some people are very gifted in organization. Ask them for help, there is no shame in it. Showing hospitality looks very different to each of us. I know in my heart it’s important though, it wouldn’t be mentioned so many times in the bible if it weren’t.

Be blessed.