5 ways to Trust a teenager
So on this roller-coaster of parenthood, kids eventually get to this period of life called “teenager.”
As a teenager the parents are no longer the center of their universe. As the parent you can pray that all the lessons in modesty and common sense stay in their big, precious noggins.
During these years of teenage hood it’s like a fine dance. They are fighting for their independence and you are fighting to keep them safe with you.
Our trick is for the give and take to happen slowly and seamlessly so that everyone benefits. I should add here that if you’re a “Free-range parent” This list is lost on you and so is this whole post. Every family is different as is every teenager. Needless to say I don’t judge those who parent differently, we all have our different paths in life. Boundaries help in a major way in our life of parenting.
In what I’ve seen if you throw all boundaries away at once your teenager will flounder and not know what to do. They might just get into trouble with lack of any other guidance. Teenagers are extremely smart and have a lot to contribute at this age whether it be around the house or at church. Use this time to utilize their strengths in productive ways.
My oldest child has two years left till she is on her way to college. So this is the process that we have accomplished so far. My husband and I discussed every one of these five steps before hand. We tend to give each other a nice balance.
These are the 5 things I’ve found so far that helped. *Disclosure here: these are not the only ways, these are just the ways that worked for us.
- Don’t be Peer-Parent Pressured. Don’t feel pressured into doing something just because your teen says everyone else is allowed to do it. This one is easy to say you would never do but when you’re in the situation you might second guess your answer. My suggestion is to not make any yes or no decision on the spot. Tell your child to tell you all the information and then you can give them an answer in five minutes. In that time you can pray about it or ask your spouse or both. Often giving a knee jerk answer can lead to regret when you realize you have more questions than answers about the situation.
- Going on a jog by themselves. This one was hard for me. There came a point that I found I was slowing down my youngster, when we were out jogging. I am very slow and her doing circles around me was not going to work. We had to make a plan. Before she went out on her own we drove the route together and said exactly where she could go. This helped so that there was no miscommunication and no excuses on her part that she could claim not to understand. We also gave her a cell phone so she could call us in case she fell and got hurt or scared.
- The mall. The mall can be a scary place if you stop to think about it. There is a fair amount of crime and assaults all the time in our local mall that you might not even realize. So even though some of my daughter’s friends were allowed to go to the mall without parents nearby we were not one of those parents. We did however let her pick a friend and I would be close but not underfoot. It’s a fine line between being “embarrassing” and still being watchful.
- Running into a store without you. Ok this step gave me a little anxiousness because I was waiting in the car impatiently. I really thought it was important to trust my teenager to go into the store without me. It was funny too because she called a few times on her phone to ask questions about things that she had never noticed before.The important thing about this was doing it before she turned sixteen and needed to go to multiple stores on her own. I don’t want my children to just “figure it out” I want them to feel prepared to meet the world. Doing that when they are an adult is just too late.
- The Movies. Your children having friends with parents that are similar helps in this process. Finding a trusted friend and dropping them off together and picking them up together is a good way for your teen to be on their own for bursts of time.This way they get to feel like they’re on their own but they have a friend who won’t leave them alone.
Some people might think we’re a little conservative. When it comes to freedoms and our kids we don’t play around.
I will add that some of the activities she picked had certain freedoms in them. For instance she does sports, band, and the ambulance post that all have a level of trust and commitment that she has worked for.
I personally believe that by doing some version of a step by step process helps children come into the freedoms of adulthood naturally rather than being thrown into it.
Setting our children up to be able to navigate this world is one of many goals we have for them.
A verse for parents
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace
Proverbs 29:17
A verse to remind our children (and parents)
Apply your heart to instruction
And your ears to the words
Of knowledge.
Proverbs 23:12
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